The Power of Pause: Teaching Kids to Self-Regulate Before Reacting

Big emotions are a normal part of being human — especially for kids and teens. Whether it’s frustration during homework, disappointment after a tough game, or the sudden surge of excitement that makes it hard to sit still, emotions show up fast. But for many students, what comes after the emotion is what matters most.

That moment between feeling and reacting — the pause — is one of the most powerful executive function (EF) skills a student can learn.

At Just Start LA, we see every day how learning to pause helps kids think more clearly, communicate more effectively, and make choices that reflect their best selves. Emotional regulation isn’t just "being calm." It’s a cognitive skill that empowers students to navigate challenges, relationships, and responsibilities with confidence.

Let’s break down why emotional regulation is an EF skill — and how parents and students can strengthen it.

What Emotional Regulation Has to Do With Executive Functioning

Executive functioning is the brain’s command center — responsible for planning, organizing, problem-solving, working memory, and yes… managing emotions.

Here’s why emotional regulation fits right into EF:

1. Emotions affect the thinking brain.

When a child is overwhelmed—angry, anxious, overstimulated—their “thinking brain” (prefrontal cortex) goes offline. The “feeling brain” takes over. EF skills help reconnect the two.

2. Regulation requires self-monitoring.

Students need to notice what they’re feeling before they can respond to it. That awareness is an EF skill.

3. Emotional regulation allows for flexible thinking.

When kids can pause, they can consider options, shift perspective, and choose a response — core EF functions.

4. Reacting impulsively is an EF challenge.

Impulsivity often isn’t defiance; it’s difficulty with inhibition and response control, both key aspects of executive functioning.

Emotional regulation is cognitive, physical, and behavioral. It is learned — which means with the right support, kids can absolutely get better at it.

How to Teach Kids the Power of Pause

Self-regulation doesn’t mean kids have to be calm all the time. Instead, it means they can:

• Notice what they feel

• Name it

• Choose a strategy

• Respond intentionally

Here are practical ways to help students build this skill:

1. Start with Awareness: “Name it to tame it.”

Students can’t regulate what they can’t recognize. Try:

• Feeling charts

• “Zones of Regulation” language

• Quick check-ins: What color zone are you in? What’s your body telling you?

Giving students language for their emotions is the first step toward control.

2. Teach What a Pause Looks Like

Many kids think “pause” means “do nothing” — but pausing is actually an active strategy. A pause can be:

• Taking three deep breaths

• Counting to five

• Putting a hand on their heart

• Looking away and grounding (Name 5 things you see…)

• Saying “I need a minute”

We often teach academic routines; teaching emotional routines is just as important.

3. Practice During Calm Moments

Kids can’t learn a new skill in the middle of a meltdown. Build “pause practice” into everyday tasks:

• Before opening homework, take a breath

• Before responding in a conversation, pause for one second

• Before starting a new transition, check in: “How am I feeling?”

Repetition builds muscle memory.

4. Model It (They’re Watching!)

Kids mirror what they see. Phrases like:

• “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to pause and breathe.”

• “I need a minute to think before I respond.”

…teach students that pausing is normal — not a punishment.

5. Use Tools Students Can Reach for Quickly

Make pausing accessible with:

• Stress balls

• Breathing apps

• Cold water bottles

• Fidgets

• Worksheets with quick-regulation prompts

• Movement breaks

A regulated body supports a regulated brain.

6. Celebrate the Attempt, Not Just the Outcome

Emotional regulation is not perfection; it’s progress. Praise efforts like:

• “You noticed you were getting upset — that’s huge.”

• “You took a pause before you reacted. Amazing self-control.”

This builds motivation and self-efficacy — especially for students who struggle.

What Happens When Kids Learn to Pause

When students strengthen emotional regulation, we see:

• Fewer impulsive decisions

• Reduced homework battles

• Better communication with parents and teachers

• Stronger peer relationships

• More productive problem solving

• Increased academic resilience

• Greater confidence and independence

Pausing creates space — space to think, choose, and grow.

And once students learn to tap into the power of pause, they carry that skill into middle school, high school, college, and life.

Final Thought

At Just Start LA, we’re passionate about helping students build the executive function foundation they need to thrive — academically and emotionally. Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings; it’s about giving kids the tools to navigate them.

Teaching students to pause before reacting doesn’t just change their day.It changes their future.